“Hope” for the New Year - 2012

I was recently inspired by a dear friend of mine to pick a word of the year; what a great idea. Immediately the word “hope” came to mind. My life, at the moment, feels like a giant train wreck in a humungous thunderstorm! I feel like it is one thing after another and I am not where I want to be at this time in my life. I am stressed about money and my job, I am ready to be done with school, and I am getting tired of the single life – I really just want to be married. I have struggled with my health, especially the last 2 months. I have had new symptoms occur and am being tossed from doctor to doctor because they feel it is not related to their specialty. This brings anger and frustration and puts me deeper then I want to be. If you know me well, I am normally the positive one and upbeat, always on the go. Well, I may still be positive for the most part, but I have no energy to do anything. I have been so frustrated and just want answers. I am losing weight and don’t know why. Tomorrow I see a hematologist and will admit, I am slightly nervous, scared even. But I have great friends and family that keep me going through love and support. And I have my Savior, Jesus Christ, that led the example for us to follow. He atoned for our sins, he has felt every pain and sorrow imaginable. He loves us so much and is there for us, always. I know I can turn to my Heavenly Father anytime and anywhere. I am so grateful for prayer and the comfort it brings me. Ever since I first got sick in high school, I have always remembered the poem, Footprints in the Sand, and has kept it as a theme for my life, especially at the downiest moments. It brings me comfort and reassurance knowing that He is there for us, ALWAYS. The other night I was studying my scriptures and pulled out my Ensign. I randomly opened it to a talk (given in the most recent general conference) by Elder Robert D. Hales, Waiting Upon the Lord: Thy Will Be Done. Through reading it, I have been reminded that things must happen on the Lord’s time. He quotes:

“Tests and trials are given to all of us. These mortal challenges allow us and our Heavenly Father to see whether we will exercise our agency to follow His Son. He already knows, and we have the opportunity to learn, that no matter how difficult our circumstances, ‘all these things shall [be for our] experience, and … [our] good.’(D&C 122:7)”

I know that the Lord has a plan for me and I know He only wants me to grow and be strengthened. I also know of His great love for me and is there to comfort in time of need. This life is hard, it is a test, and we will have trials. But I know that in the end, it will all be worth it.

Beautiful Heartbreaks by Hilary Weeks is a new favorite song of mine that brings me hope:

I had it all mapped out in front of me,

Knew just where I wanted to go;

But life decided to change my plans,

And I found a mountain in the middle of my road.

I knew there was no way over it,

So I searched for a way around;

Brokenhearted I started climbin', And at the top I found...

Every fear, every doubt, All the pain I went through;

Was the price that I paid to see this view;

And now that I'm here I would never trade...

The grace that I feel, And the faith that I find;

Through the bitter-sweet tears, And the sleepless nights;

I used to pray he'd take it all away,

But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak

I never dreamed my heart would make it,

I thought about turning around;

But heaven has shown me miracles,

I never would have seen from the ground.

Now I take the rain with the sunshine,

Cause there's one thing that I know;

He picks up the pieces, Along each broken road.

Every fear, every doubt, All the pain I went through;

Was the price that I paid to see this view;

And now that I'm here I would never trade...

The grace that I feel, And the faith that I find;

Through the bitter-sweet tears, And the sleepless nights.

I used to pray he'd take it all away,

But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.

I would never trade... The grace that I feel,

And the faith that I find;

Through the bitter-sweet tears, And the sleepless nights.

I used to pray he'd take it all away,

But instead it became a beautiful heartbreak.

Our trials are put in front of us to strengthen us, and to make us better. They end result, the wonderful blessings that will follow, are unimaginable and it will all be worth it. I am so grateful for all those friends and family in my life who are here to support me and to love me. I am extremely grateful for my Heavenly Father and the comfort He brings to me. I must have the faith that I will have the strength and courage to get through it all.

“To hope and trust in the Lord requires faith, patience, humility, meekness, long-suffering, keeping the commandments, and enduring to the end. To wait upon the Lord means planting the seed of faith and nourishing it “with great diligence, and … patience.” (Elder Robert D. Hales)

I have hope that the Lord has a plan for me. I have hope that He loves me and is there for me always. I have hope that I will get through another year and come out even stronger then I was before. I have hope that things will work out and that I will be blessed as I strive to follow His guidance and as I allow Him to lead the way. I will have hope this year, 2012:)